Leaving on a Jet Plane

Moving to America is a scary experience but also one that holds much excitement for me! I am currently writing this at a height of 33999ft going at a speed of 532MPH – that's pretty quick and enough probably to make Jeremy Clarkson shout Powwweeeerrrr in his best Top Gear voice – or maybe that's just what I'm shouting in my head as I fly over Canada! However, I can't pronounce any of the place names as they're all in French at the moment but I am currently heading towards Detroit which is a name I can pronounce! Hurrah!!

I've been stuck in what is basically a giant metal cigar case for what seems like forever but is in fact only 7 hours. Well I say only 7 hours but there's actually quite a lot you can do in 7 hours – better things than just sitting in a space much smaller than you imagine before you get on a plane watching movies! Although I have managed to watch The Amazing Spiderman which I have to say was pretty darn good and I love Stan Lee's little cameo!! Was very funny!

Speaking of sitting in small spaces, did you know that on board an aircraft an animal has to be put in a space big enough so that it can comfortably turn fully around? Humans don't. I'll just leave that with you for a moment...Just imagine for a minute if we all got that amount of space to sit in on board an aircraft, it would make flying a much more pleasurable experience and would certainly make getting up to go the toilet easier! At the moment when I want to go to the toilet, I have to ask my wife to get up so she has to then squeeze out of her seat and into the aisle and then I end up having to step up onto my seat trying not to break anything like my headphones (which invariably end up breaking anyway) falling over things just so I can make it into the very small toilet. How anybody can even think about joining the mile high club is beyond me. You'd have more space in a suitcase and be a darn site more comfortable too.

I had dinner earlier which was great because I was pretty darn hungry at the time, but then we did leave home at 630 this morning, or was it yesterday morning? It's very confusing all this flying and time zone lark! My wife Heather has set her watch to Houston time but I'm remaining British for the time (no pun intended) being. Anyway, back to the food. Usually on an aeroplane as we Brits like to call them – Airplane to you Yanks – you get offered chicken or beef and maybe if you're lucky, some pasta and that's it, almost like there's an endless supply of poultry and cows back on the ground just waiting to be cut up and turned into airline food. I chose the chicken which came in some kind of sauce but I've no idea what it was. It could have been lemon or it could have been some kind of marinara sauce it all tastes pretty much the same up here, it also came with some bread which was a little on the hard side and some refrigerated butter. I hate refrigerated butter! Why do they seem intent on doing that and then giving you a plastic knife with which to spread it!! It's insane! It's like giving a builder his cement and bricks and then handing him a sock with which to build a wall with! It doesn't work! Please airlines, just give us the tools with which to eat with and we can all be happy, still at least the alcohol is free and the turbulence has stojsdbfb. Then again, maybe not!

They also have snacks at the back of the aircraft but the queue to get some is quite lengthy! It's almost as if nobody on this plane has eaten, either that or there's some sort of party that I've not been invited to! (that is probably quite likely).